Looting for souvenirs...

Those are colleagues of James, fellow members of the RCRs, after the Battle of Paardeberg, going through the Boer laager, picking up souvenirs. One has found an interesting letter, another has loot under his arm, a third is going through boxes and other personal effects, looking for watches, coins, brooches, jewelry...

And the Boers? Some 4,000 of them, men, women, and children are walking on foot the many miles to Modder River station from where they will be taken by train to prisoner of war camps.

They lost it all, everything they had in the world, bombed to smithereens by ten days of artillery fire, or burned up in their wagons.

Whatever is left will be taken away by the Tommies... and Canadians...

Great Canadian Heritage Treasure

A fabulous souvenir of a smashed up fuse of what is possibly a Boer 12 pounder artillery shell that James retrieved from a battlefield. It might also be British, very likely a shrapnel shell.

The British Horse Artillery used 12 pounders from 1894 - when high explosive cordite replaced gun powder as the propellant - till 1901, when they were replaced by the QF (Quick Firing) 15 pounders right.

The fuse or fuze (artillery lingo) is the top counterpart of the shell right and represents the part of the shell above the score line. You can see that a terrific explosion - set off by the fuse - tore the rest of the shell away, sending the fuse, its job done, skittering off to imbed itself in whatever was in its way..

During the Boer War the Horse Artillery used some seventy-eight 12 and 15 pounders, and fired some 36,161 shells against the Boers.

Souvenir Fuse, 12 Pounder, Pvt. JRD McKerihen, C Co, RCR - South Africa 1900
Orig. brass - Size - 13 cm oa; wt 1 kg
Found - Toronto, ON

After a battle, and the Boers had fled, it was common for Tommies to scrounge around looking for souvenirs of the horrific gun and rifle fire they had endured - and survived. They wanted a stark reminder, when safe back home in their clerk's office in Toronto, that they had not really just had a bad dream...

Traditionally artillery shells, like old style canon balls, exploded only on contact. Fuses on shells were introduced to put a time delay on a shell, allowing you to time the explosion during its flight.

Above a British fuse on top of a 15 pounder shell as it looks before it is shot off. 12 pounders looked very similar.

Often these shells were filled with small anti-personnel shrapnel balls. The scaled ring was used to dial in the number of seconds delay, after the gun was fired, before it was supposed to explode in mid-air, over some target.

While trenches and rocks could shelter you somewhat from guns firing horizontally, no one had protection from above, which is why shrapnel shells going off overhead were so deadly.

Above a souvenir top of a shell from the Battle of Paardeberg.

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Great Canadian Heritage Discoveries

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More important Canadian antique memorabilia the Museum has preserved.
Great Canadian Heritage Treasure

A fabulous German chocolate insert card, in honour of the Boer fight for freedom against the British, shows the Transvaal Staats Artillerie of 1900. The Germans, like almost all Europeans, supported the Boers against the British during the war, unfortunately for the Boers, with mostly only glad tidings. The British - like the Americans today - were regarded as pariahs (we mean hated) by most of the world, for the way they went about, willy nilly, shooting up much of the non-white, non-Christian world. Again, like today with no one to stop them...

In front is the typical Boer commando fighter, dressed as a farmer - or Boer - of the time.

Front right is the Staats Artillerie officer in his dress uniform, which was worn on state occasions or at fancy dinner parties.

In the back are the artillerymen wearing their khaki campaign uniforms - with formal belts of the type that James liberated above.

German Chocolate Insert Pictorial Card, Linde's - 1900
Orig. card - Size - 7 x 11 cm
Found - Brighton, UK

Boer War Memorabilia - Pvt. JRD McKerihen, C Co. RCR, 1900 - 4

1 2 3 4 5 6
Great Canadian Heritage Treasure

Souvenir Boer Staats Artillerie Belt, Pvt. JRD McKerihen, C Co, RCR - South Africa 1900
Orig. leather - Size - oa
Found - Toronto, ON

One of the most fabulous Boer War memorabilia items you will ever see has to be this souvenir belt brought back from South Africa by Pvt. James McKerihen.

He was so proud of it that he signed his name on it:
J.R.D. McKerihen 7429 C. Co. R.C.R. South Africa 1900.

It is of Boer origin, the brass buckle inscribed Eendraagt Maakt Magt, (Strength Through Unity) the motto of The Transvaal Republic whose capital was Pretoria, on which the British Army, in which James was fighting at the time, was advancing to capture.

This is a uniform buckle, and so did not belong to a Boer commando, but to a member of.the Staats Artillerie, the Transvaal Government's artillery corps which, unlike all the other Boer fighters, wore a regular military uniform. They were full time professionals, like the artillerymen in the British, though not the Canadian, army.

At Zand River the Boers deployed their artillery on the north bank to try to prevent a crossing by the British. At Doordrecht they made a last stand to try to prevent the British from taking Johannesburg and Pretoria.

The Boers lost both battles; many lost their lives.

Probably at Zand River, when the Canadians took over an abandoned artillery position, there were dead Boer gunners lying about. Very likely it was there that James relieved one of them of his belt, as a souvenir, figuring the Boer wouldn't be needing it anymore, and besides, WOW, what a thing to show the folks back home...

Copyright Goldi Productions Ltd. 1996-1999-2005
Great Canadian Heritage Treasure

Mug, One With Britain, Heart & Soul, 1900
Orig. ceramic - Size - 23 cm
Found - London, ON

In 2007 Canada's outward posture as a multicultural society won't allow the media to indulge in such an overt display of militaristic one-sided sentiment. Calumnists - sorry we mean columnists - will have to write more carefully...

So, a hundred years later, Anglo-Canada has finally caught up to the humanitarian sensibilities of French-Canadians, who, during the Boer War, opposed Canada being dragged, by political and industrial special interest elites, into such jingoistic behaviour against poor Third World peoples ...

In 2007, it is again the French-Canadians who lead Canadians in opposing those who want the Canadian military to make war on non-white Muslims in the Third World, like in Afghanistan and Iraq.

It continues to be their vocal presence that continues to make Canada the special place it is... in spite of the worst politicians can do...

Great Canadian Heritage Treasure

Below the inspiration for the Pom-Pom gun, the portable Maxim machine gun, a detail from a previously unpublished original photo taken by a 16th Lancer during the Paardeberg campaign.

Below a Maxim Pom-Pom gun showing the belt fed mechanism for the 1 pounder shells.

Spinning Canada's Most Unpopular War Ever!
- Even the few Canadian partisans who want the war in Afghanistan to continue - the same relatively undereducated, largely rural and lower echelon blue collar urbanites, whose racist inclinations Hilary Clinton in the US successfully stirs up to make them doubt that they really want a Black Man to be their President - recognize its unpopularity by adopting a ribbon for their Support the Troops campaign, a thinly veiled cover used by the military industrial complex to keep the lucrative war machine going, accompanied by tawdry Made in the USA think tank slogans about Freedom or Women's Rights... It may be turning Afghanistan into dust but it is making Canadian military lobbyists wealthy beyond belief.

Canadians all, support the men and women in the Armed Forces, and wish them only the best, but strongly oppose the military industrial complex - the one US President Eisenhower warned everyone about fifty years ago as a major threat to world peace - which sent them into harm's way, against the wishes of the vast majority of the Canadian population, just to please the Bush/Cheney oil cartel who started it all...

The Canadian anti-war sentiment is worldwide. It is also why polls show that Europeans - the most literate, educated, and informed population of voters in history - believe that the biggest threat to world peace is not Al Qaeda, Terrorism, or Iran and the nuclear bomb, but the rampant militarism of the United States of America, and its unfettered and malevolent campaign of making war on non-white, non-Christian populations, especially if they sit on or near large oil reserves...

In Canada, where power elites are ever eager to please their American business partners, militarism is rearing its aggressive head, with the top Canadian general directly credited, by the media, for being responsible for having his civilian boss, and supposed military overseer, sacked in disgrace, with repeated embarrassing public comments that undermined his credibility...

Why its just like in a banana republic...

It is a low point for democracy in Canada.

But don't expect official warring rhetoric - like in 1899 - to be reflected in jingoistic military memorabilia, like perhaps a pillow cover with a Canadian soldier with a bayonet at the throat of a dastardly Muslim insurgent.

That would at least be honest, since by far the overwhelming preponderance of Canada's money dedicated to Afghanistan is for the military shooting and bombing of Muslim people, not the reconstruction campaign, for rebuilding on Monday what the Canadians have blown down Sunday...

In today's hypocritical world, the honesty of memorabilia mirroring private beliefs and public realities would needlessly roil up people against the war.

So the spin doctors have concocted the lacy ribbon campaign to soothe disquieted Canadian civilians and hide from them the plain truth that Canadian soldiers in Afghanistan are exclusively killing, with their guns, bombs, and bullets, non-white, non-Christian men, women, and children almost weekly, in the name of Freedom, Women's Liberation, and the friendship of George Bush and his Cheney Haliburton handlers.

Tea Tin, Boer War - 1900

Orig. tin - Size - 23 cm
Found - Napanee, ON

The popular craving for souvenir artillery shells urged one manufacturer to make tea tins in the shape of a "Facsimile of Shell, Memento of the Transvaal War 1899-1900."

These tins are prized because they are most unusual and very hard to find these days.

War as Popular Sport

The souvenir tin artillery shell also points out the unique connection that the population had with the military during the Boer War era. The civilian Anglo-Canadian population - was at one with BOTH, the country's military Heart and Soul AS WELL AS the country's military policy (see below).

Average households were eager to show their support for their men in arms and openly showed their gushy sentiments by displaying, in their homes, military memorabilia: an artillery shell and a man bristling with a rifle and bayonet designed to deal death to some hapless - but deserving - Boer...

People who could not join in the mayhem themselves - thousands had to be turned away from a chance to go and "tweak the Dutchman's nose" - could revel in war sports by displaying military souvenir art specially made to fill the need for patriotic blood sports.

French-Canadians, who opposed the war against the Boers, openly displayed pro-Boer art that opposed the Government's military expedition. French-Canadians were a century ahead of most people of the day, and more in tune with Canadians of 2008, by being strong supporters of the military (many are French-Canadians) while opposing, strongly, using it to make war against non-white, non-Christian peoples just because the military industrial complex has pocketed the ruling political elites and their private special interest agendas.

There is a world of difference in 2007, when Canadian men in arms are fighting overseas again, this time in Afghanistan.

No one today - outside the hard core militarists - will display such military hardball items in favour of a killing war in Afghanistan because well over 70% of Canadians oppose the war in which the Canadian Forces are bombing and shooting up a Muslim country, just because it pleases the American special interest groups.

The Massage is the Message

Members of the Canadian Public can take credit for their free-thinking position, arrived at, not with the help of enlightened scribes, as journalism schools like to posture, but in spite of journalists, whom the population widely regards as bagmen of information for their employers, in exactly the same way that Canadian arms dealer Karlheinz Schreiber was a bagman of $1000 bills for his. (A Parliamentary Inquiry exposed his payoff relationship to former Canadian Prime Minister and military lobbyist Brian Mulroney.)

It explains why Canadian journalists - in sharp contrast to the general public, which has, like the media scribes, watched him testify publicly - all use inexplicably squalid language to describe the military bagman - is it they can spot one of their own, and are revolted...?

Quite to the contrary, polls showed Canadians, by a margin of 3:1 believed the military lobbyist was more honest than the former Prime Minister of Canada Brian Mulroney. Again, in contrast, journalists used no such incendiary language to describe the former Prime Minister, a fellow member of the elite ruling classes who also own the media, and need we add, issue the journalists their cheques.

Regarding Afghanistan, the leading newspapers in Canada - all of them, dozens of them - not surprisingly, since they are owned by the same couple of people, have had strong editorial positions to keep the war against the non-white Muslims in Afghanistan going.

There is no liberal press left in Canada - beyond the odd quaint "face saving" journalist - that reflects, let alone promotes the liberal "no-war" position taken by over 70% of Canadians.

Critics note that Antonia Zerbisias who once wrote withering columns on the evils of media concentration, and the slime and sleaze behind the machinations for power, influence, and public money, in television, and the press, has had her chain ruthlessly pulled back, and is now reduced to lifestyle reporting, writing about trips to the vet with her dog...

Not a single leading Canadian newspaper takes an editorial position against a war which exclusively features white Christian nations targeting Muslims, and has resulted in killing countless Muslim women and children as an acceptable cost of doing business alongside American militarists.

The media has played the main role to make General Hillier - who craves the war against the Muslims with his entire being - a folk hero with whom to beat an anti-war country and an anti-war Parliament, over the head to advance the cause dear, not only to the General, but the media barons who own the major forms of public expression in Canada.

No one, in the Canadian media, calls their position on the war against the Muslims, racism simply because they "do the calling," controlling, as they do, the reporting of "news" in Canada, and who goes around calling themselves "racist" for promoting the targeting of non-whites and non-Christians. Hey, in the US those are patriots...

Nothing could be more clear that in Canada the media does not reflect the people... at all... The Canadian public has overwhelmingly and consistently opposed the Canadian participation of the killing war in Afghanistan.

And this in spite of the non-stop jingoistic railing of ruling politicians, militarists, the armaments manufactures, and the universal pro-war editorial positions of Canada's media conglomerates, and most of their paid scribes - hey, why were they hired in the first place? Certainly not for having any independent views, but as outstanding team players promoting the corporate agenda.

The public will against a war wanted by the media classes was not swayed, in spite of the repeated work by pollsters - paid for by the same guys who write the pro-war editorials - doing their damndest to couch their questions in such a way that responses of a hostile public can be "massaged" and tabulated as supporting - at last - the war against the Muslims. Pollsters - like masseuses in other places frequented by pollsters, pundits, and politicians - are desperate to please their clients and get repeat business. And finding the questions to outfox the hostile public that will give their clients the polling data they can quote, is, of course, what polling is all about and why pollsters get paid millions to get it Right...

In Canada it has long been said that the Medium is the Message - that the messaging venue is more formative than the message it carries. This is about as insightful as a bag of hammers.

It is not the bag which is moulding but the hammer, hammer, hammer of the propaganda pounded into the heads of the public by the editorialists and scribes in the media.

The outmoded old slogan does not explain or illuminate the role of the media in shaping society and political and economic goals in Canada in 2008. It also serves as a convenient cover for the propagandizing classes to pretend that the problems in information distribution is all in the delivery system, not in what they put into it...

It should be updated to clarify the biggest danger to a democracy anywhere - the contamination of news and information, by, and for, the media conglomerates and the couple - Ok three or four - very wealthy and arch-conservative people, who own and control it all on behalf of political and economic special interest elites.

Obviously, in spite of Marshall McLuhan's distraction, the Massage is the Message, with media conglomerates always trying to manipulate the masses, today the most educated electorate in Canadian history - towards policy goals set by the rich, the super-rich, and their powerful political and industrial lobbyists who own the media conglomerates, or slaveringly sit on their boards.

It is why polls consistently show that today journalists, the supposed guardians of free speech that make Democracy work - a hoot they and their employers love to trumpet - are, along with lawyers, equally popular in public esteem, at the bottom of the *&%$# pile in the trust index.

Both, have, for a long, long time now, been in service, not to the public, nor the public good, but the private interests of the wealthy special interests who guarantee them a life long job, and pays their salaries, expense accounts, and pensions, to get the "proper" message out.

Which is why the proprietary classes acquired the media in the first place, then stocked it with journalists that fit their mould, to front the war of the upper, inheriting, class against the middle class, which harbours the only real meritocracy in a democracy.

Great Canadian Heritage Treasure

By the end of the war Canadians had their own Pom-Pom guns. When Canada's Fifth Contingent went on campaign, two years into the war, in early 1902, it brought the one below as it became part of the campaign to capture President Steyn, and Generals Koos de la Rey and Christiaan de Wet in the western Transvaal. (They never did catch the wily Boers.)

On March 31, 1902, the Canadians had their second worst casualties of the war, loosing 8 men at the Battle of Boschbult Farm (Hart's River). Their Pom-Pom gun, photographed before the action below saw heavy service in the fight, but the Boers escaped again.

Over succeeding decades the Boer farmers found the souvenir shells left as they ploughed the fields where the battle was fought.

Dominating shells from the battlefield is a Pom-Pom casing which very likely was fired from the Canadian gun.

The other casings, from the left, are a Boer Martini-Henry complete shell example and remnant, a Mauser, and three Lee-Metford .303s.

Souvenir Shells, Battle of Boschbult Farm - Mar. 31, 1902
Orig. shells - Size - up to 8 cm
Found - Courtesy Boschbult Farm

The Canadian Pom-Pom gun at Boschbult Farm, though it originated as a light weight "machine gun," was clearly a heavy artillery piece needing a large carriage and limber to transport it from place to place and to store its heavy 1 pounder shells.

The lightweight Maxim machine gun below, firing .303 bullets, was also used in the Boer War, but was portable enough that a man could carry it.

In World War I, the the Maxim machine gun would claim much of the credit for the untold hundreds of thousands of dead, each gun entirely portable, serviced by a team of eight men to carry it, and its ammunition about the battlefield.



Great Canadian Heritage Treasure

James wasn't the only one who was intrigued by the Pom-Pom gun.

Left are five other Pom-Pom shells brought back by colonial volunteers. The three full length shells were brought back by Canadians, and were probably liberated when Boers abandoned their ammo caches to make a quick getaway after an artillery action. The Canucks took live rounds, pried off the heads, and put them on casings they retrieved that had been fired.

"See, this is the kind of stuff they were firing at us. And me lying out there in the open veldt with no protection at all!"

The two up front were collected by an Australian who fought in the Boer War. He flared out the tops to make them look more like flower vases or pencil holders. This style of simple trench art creativity was to blossom into full flower during World War I, when soldiers wiled away the hours in the trenches, as they waited for Death, hammering all kinds of floral designs into shell casings of all sizes. Thousands of them exist, untold hundreds being sold on ebay every year.

By comparison, Boer War shell casings are very rare.

Early in the war, the Boers obtained most of their weapons and ammunition from the French (Creusot) and Germans (Mauser, Krupp).

All five of these casings have German manufacturing marks on them and are inscribed Karlsruhe, the city in Germany where they were made. Four were made in 1900; one in 1902.

Boer War Souvenir Pom Pom Shells - 1900
Orig. brass - Size - 16 cm oa; wt 550 gm
Found - Burlington, ON; Kingston, ON; Sydney, AUS
Great Canadian Heritage Treasure

A fabulous trio of James McKerihen's souvenir shells from Boer War battlefields, either Zand River or Doordrecht, picked up after the Boers fled.

These are the famous 1 pounder Pom-Pom shells, named after the sound they made when fired.

The Pom-Pom gun was the smallest artillery weapon used in the Boer War. It was an enlarged version of the Maxim machine gun. It was first used by the Boers in South Africa, with the British issuing it for service there later.

Pom-Pom shells were 37 mm in calibre, and were percussion fused, meaning they exploded on making contact with a target. The shells were not loaded singly but fed into the gun in belts of 12, later 25. Shells fired at 60 rounds per minute - a "Pom" a second giving the gun its name - and had a range of 3,000 yards.

At Paardeberg on "Pom Pom Tuesday" (Feb. 20, 1900) the Canadians became rattled when they repeatedly came under fire from this dreaded new weapon of war. Luckily they were all single point of impact explosions and not so deadly as exploding shells of shrapnel balls overhead. But the stream of explosions was unnerving for young men lying out in the open...

To give you a sense of size, we have included one of James' Mauser rifle casings.

These cases have no numbers, letters, or names. They get their age and provenance from being part of James McKerihen's Boer War souvenir stash which he collected in May 1900, while on service during the British Army's march on Pretoria.

Souvenir Boer Pom Pom Casings, Pvt. JRD McKerihen, C Co, RCR - South Africa 1900
Orig. brass - Size - 23 cm
Found - Toronto, ON

Great Canadian Heritage Treasure

Tobacco Shop Poster, President Paul Kruger - Quebec, 1899
Orig. litho - Size - 30 x 40 cm
Found - Montreal, QC

At One with the Boers, Heart & Soul - A truly fabulous and amazing historical artifact, testifying to a deeply rooted belief among French-Canadians that their (Canadian) Government had no right to make war against a people on a distant continent who posed not the slightest threat to Canada and its peoples, and that its resources and power were merely being hi-jacked by special interest groups to conduct a race war for economic gain and regional political power for the benefit of its members.

Shades of 2007...

Colonial Wars Then & Now

The war in Afghanistan shows that the same French-Canadian Boer War era spirit of fair play and decency are still alive today. The overwhelming majority of French-Canadians oppose the race war against the Muslims in Afghanistan and want the Canadian Army to come home, immediately.

Much else remains unchanged.

Special Interests - The editorial policy of all Canada's top 20 plus newspapers, unwaveringly urges Canadians, and the Government, to continue to provide bombing and shooting troops to pacify Afghanistan, and keep them there, in sync with the Cheney/Bush agenda for extending US military control over the Middle Eastern oilfields and unreliable border areas.

Business and industrial leaders love war, any time, any place. It redirects money from loser expenditures like welfare, education, the environment, health care, etc. into billion dollar industrial expansions for armaments and munitions.

You blow the stuff up and then have to replace it. Name a better business plan...

Companies prosper; cost overruns - sorry about that ! - run into the hundreds of millions; the stock market loves it. Everyone benefits: bankers, brokers, lobbyists reel in bonuses, success fees, not to mention all the under-the-table sacks of cash.

Mistresses and other sex trade workers never had it so good; wives don't complain as they get gazillions to spend from their husbands even though they seem to be taking lots more trips lately and staying away longer...

But hey, we better explain things a bit better to the hoi polloi.

Columnists are Calumnists - The majority of columnists - the media's leading journalists - never stray far, or long, from the editorial policy of the papers they serve, which is completely understandable, since, hey, the guys who write the editorials pay their salaries, or fire them if they don't perform as expected.

No fear of that with the girl calumnists - show us one (read their stuff) who doesn't have issues with males - who are the most hawkish, outlandish, and consistently bloodthirsty promoters of the war against those dastardly Muslim males. They seem to remind them of every bad date they've ever had; time to get even...

But then where can a calumnist go when there are only two or three large newspapers in Canada, owned by the same two or three bosses who also own all the rest of the papers across the country?

Hmmmh, makes you sort of introspective about your job options if you louse up the company line...

But then today's Canadians - the most literate and educated electorate in history - know all that already. Which is why they regard journalists as little more than purveyors of propaganda, and with as much credibility as lawyers.

There was a time, in frontier America, when the newspaper editor and writers were the most educated, literate, and knowledgeable members of the community, and were looked on, with respect, as the fountainhead of democracy, decency, and fair play in community life.

In the 1820s and 30s, in Canada, William Lyon Mackenzie, was a newspaper editor and publisher who commanded such respect that he became the popular leader of a democratic reform movement in Upper Canada (Ontario) seeking to unseat a Family Compact of privileged autocrats that ruled the province for the benefit of family members who felt they were entitled to skim off the profits in the system.

Very much in the manner of current felon, and fraud artist, former press mogul Conrad Black, who expressed himself similarly entitled to skim off millions from publicly held corporations he controlled. He's doing seven years in a US - not a Canadian - slammer because crimes like this are tolerated in the Last Banana Republic.

Compare - In the 1830s the journalist Mackenzie railed bitterly in the press about the crookedness among the upper classes; in 2007 the publicly paid, civil servant, Canadian Broadcasting Corporation super journalist Brian Stewart wrote a strong letter of support for the convicted upper class crook Conrad Black, as did noted professor and media contributor Margaret MacMillan... A good indicator of slavish toadyism to people with power and money that is typical of elite journalists in modern Canada. (Neither will be appearing at a back yard barbecue in your neighbourhood but will certainly be spotted among the glitterati at mansions in Rosedale and the Bridle Path, or at Conrad's Purloined Palace in Florida.)

Today there are hundreds of thousands of people with far more education, experience, and knowledge than any journalist in Canada. Today media scribes are read, or watched on TV, mainly for their entertainment value. Oh and to find out what the corporate and political bosses who run Canada (today's Family Compact) want the electorate and consumers to believe this week...

The job they have currently been assigned is to change the brand of the Afghan War, and bridge the credibility gap their employers have with their readership on a most unpopular war.

So let's get on the branding bandwagon by changing the purpose of the mission from a killing war to training the Afghan Army. Tell the readers that that's really what the Canadian Forces will be doing in future - nudge, nudge, wink, wink. That way the shooting and killing of Muslims can go on exactly as before - which will enormously please their bosses - while offering an acceptable level of comfort to the disarmed readership.

With the mission apparently changed from a war to a training mission, supposedly the killing is now over for the Canadian Army which is apparently retiring to the classroom from the shooting battlefield, so Muslim women and children will stop being killed as collateral damage from its warring activities...

The ploy just might work, as educated Canadians do like their comfort food - in their newspapers too...

Meanwhile, in Afghanistan, they keep burying Muslim women and children who accidentally get caught in the crossfire during Canadian training missions.

Oh, and did we forget, in January 2008, some 3,500 more US killing troops - not aid workers, doctors, or nurses - are going to help the Canadians do their training work around Kandahar, because, as US Secretary of Defence Robert Gates groused in an unguarded moment, the Canadians are lousing up the job.

He's so ungrateful. His Canadian Government friends have spent billions, in the past year, to buy killing machinery to please him and his bosses, and most from companies belonging to their colleagues.

Americans are so ungrateful. Don't they know we only have billions, not trillions like they do, and if we did we would have spent that too...

Just can't ever kill enough Muslims to please the US special interests...

The Newfie Bullet - We're sure General Hillier will soon tell his troops to smarten up, aim better, and more often. He and his men (no real woman would shoot anybody for pay) are losing status fast with his American friends...

Isn't this where it all began, with the inept Canadian general who refused to fight in Rwanda? And tainted all Canadian generals as not having the right stuff...

Resulting in another angry Canadian general, in his unguarded moment, shouting, "our job is to be able to kill people," specifically "the despicable murderers and scum bags in Afghanistan."

But Hillier's best is clearly not impressing Americans...

Sounds like General Hillier's job performance is being severely undermined by his US mentors.

With friends like that...

So the general has to up the ante.

How about threatening Parliament, demanding it pass a motion to Support the Troops in Afghanistan. (February 2008) And intimating that if they fail to do so their lack of willingness will aid the Taliban and Al Qaeda...

That is the most devious, anti-democratic branding initiative ever; a clearly aggressive army general bossing elected Members of Parliament.

Only in the Last Banana Republic...

That way, forever after, the General can say, "See Parliament approved the war." The Conservatives think it great too and the Americans will be pleased which is what this is all about.

Clever general. Turning a support motion for men and women of the Forces into a major PR offensive to rebrand as authorized by Parliament, a race war in Afghanistan, which is opposed by the vast majority of nations around the world, opposed by all the non-white populations in the world, opposed by all the non-Christians in the world, opposed by most of the white people and Christians in the world, oh, and did we forget, opposed by the overwhelming majority of Canadians.

He may do it too.

He's emboldened because he has already scared the Liberal Opposition away from its previous public position to bring Canadian troops back from the war in Afghanistan by 2009. Now fearing the General the Liberals have agreed participate in extending the killing war in Afghanistan to 2011.

The Liberal Opposition has too many lobbyists and principals with closer ties to American pro-war special interests than to their own voters, who can offer them no sacks of $1000 bills, bad girls at night, or lucrative directorships in the after life.

The Canadian voter, especially the Party of Laurier, which for over a 100 years was the conscience of the nation, the party of hope for immigrants, clearly his nothing going for it anymore.

Take it or leave it! It's extremely slim pickings, these days, for Canadian voters, on the body politic. They are down to two choices - Right Wing or Red Neck.

Call it normal among the political elites in the Last Banana Republic.

It bodes ill for the women, children, and men of Afghanistan. Canadians will be staying longer, with more guns and bombs for killing.

And it bodes ill for Canada's reputation among the vast concourse of Black, South Asian, Brown - and yes even White people - whom God placed in the greatest abundance on the planet, among whom Canada will be branded as a participant in the race war in Afghanistan. The only one out of 42 nations in the Western Hemisphere to participate in America's war against the Muslims.

Luckily Laurier is dead and did not survive to see the death of the Liberal Party of Canada, once the Party of Hope.

While Barack Obama resurrects a party of Hope in the US on the backs of countless voters who hate race wars against the Muslims, and promises to bring US combat troops home, a warrish Canadian General and a toadyish Liberal Party remain part of a increasingly disgraced white European interest groups who continue to defy the world and its revulsion against race wars against Muslim Peoples.

It's all about living in the Last Banana Republic. (Feb 2008)

Great Canadian Heritage Treasure

Saucer, One With Britain, Heart & Soul, 1900
Orig. ceramic - Size - 18 cm
Found - London, ON
Great Canadian Heritage Treasure
Sugar Bow, One With Britain, Heart & Soul, 1900
Orig. ceramic - Size - 10 cm
Found - Hamilton, ON

The Maple Leaf Forever was the preeminent symbol of Canada during the Boer War. The song The Maple Leaf Forever was also one of the most marvelously stirring patriotic songs ever written and sung in Canadian schools for decades; we can recall fondly singing it loudly and proudly in a rural Ontario public school in the early 1950s. Sadly multiculturalism side-tracked it to a siding for anthems with inappropriate lyrics bound to give someone offence...

The other side of the bowl carries the same Gentleman in Khaki motif found on the plate and mug.

Branding Extremists - Most Canadians are late - let's admit it thick - in coming to realize, like the Americans and Israelis learned long ago, that you can do horrifically awful things to other people as long as you brand it properly, and then the sky's the limit.

Invent WMD as a cause for a war that kills hundreds of thousands of non-white Muslims; blame al Qaeda or Muslim terrorists for everything bad that happens to anyone, anywhere, anytime; use self-defence as a cover to repeatedly, over many years, continue to commit murder, targeted assassinations, terror, and food, fuel and medicine blockades that kill thousands of women, children, and men in illegally occupied territories.

Surely the dumbest Canadian of all was General Rick Hillier who showed his ineptness with his loud braying in public that "our job (the Canadian Forces) is to be able to kill people" specifically the "detestable murderers and scum bags in Afghanistan."

Surely no bright person would give vent - publicly - to what is obviously a deeply felt life's mission, so creating a public relations gaffe of the worst sort for someone who is supposed to be in the public employ. (But then is he? Or is he working for someone else?)

He's been straightened out by the PR people since - about how to talk the talk - and now talks of the Afghans as dear friends, fine people, great culture.

He's a fast learner about re-branding.

He is no longer branding himself, these days, the way he started out, portraying himself as the leader of a band of killers; he now says his troops are not killers at all but personal trainers, sort of like Chuck Norris on late night infomercials...

Soon he'll be referring to them as facilitators of the Manley Plan lulling the electorate into believing this former military hawk is a pacified, born again Christian now, leading a giant civilian Marshall Plan crusade...

But all the while what he's really doing is insisting on getting hundreds, thousands more gunmen on the ground. And billions more in military guns, bombs, tanks, and gunships.


Would you want to be an Afghan woman raising your children in a neighbourhood with this kind of man loose?

No, you can hear her say, "Why he sounds exactly like our Muslim extremists, but one who's far more dangerous to people. Ours only have the pajamas on their backs. But the Newfie Bullet's got billions in military hardware to make his dreams come true..."

Oh yeah, and though it's been many months since Canada's Armed Forces in Afghanistan have been rebranded as a teaching, training mission, as opposed to an aggressive combat force, there isn't a day goes by where Canadians aren't on a search and destroy mission somewhere in Kandahar province, and shooting and killing Muslims...

Er... winning the hearts and minds...

Of American generals, businessmen, and politicians...

Great Canadian Heritage Treasure

Turkish Artillery Shell Casing - Gallipoli, 1915
Orig. brass - Size - 17 cm
Found - Chanakale, Turkey (1969)

A good example of World War I trench art, this one though, hammered out by the "enemy," a Turkish soldier during the disastrous British Gallipoli campaign of 1915, a bloodletting which the Canadians happily missed but not the Australians and Kiwis. The casing is German, a 15 pounder made in Dusseldorf in 1912. German generals and munitions helped the Turks defend their homeland. The shell is long gone, probably exploding among some charging Anzacs who never returned home.

The Gallipoli Campaign during the summer of 1915, started out as a good idea: opening up a second front against the Germans by striking at the soft underbelly of Europe in Turkey, linking up with Russian through the Straits (Dardanelles and Hellespont) to the Black Sea, and so force the Germans to remove soldiers form the Western Front to shore up the new offensive from the Eastern, Russian Front.

This shell was one of thousands fired on Aussies and Kiwis making futile charges up the heights beyond Suvla Bay. After months of negligible advances the expedition was withdrawn, a gamble that failed but killed thousands of Allied and Turkish soldiers who still lie there on the killing fields.

It also produced a very fine film Gallipoli which wonderfully captures, at once, the human (Aussie) side and the futility of war.

Great Canadian Heritage Treasure

WWI Souvenir, 18 pounder Fuse - Lt. Wm. Henry Bolt CEF
Orig. fuse - Size - 8 cm; wt 1 kg
Found - Burlington, ON
A few years later, during World War I, artillery shells had not changed that much but the fuse shape was more aerodynamic. William Bolt, who hailed from Devon, England, but lived in Burlington, Ontario, signed up with the Canadian Expeditionary Force, and used this souvenir fuse from an 18 pounder as a paperweight for decades after the war... It gives a good view of the fuse calibration in seconds, up to 22.
Great Canadian Heritage Treasure

Attestation Papers, CEF - William Henry Bolt, 1915
Orig. digital copy - Image Size - Full, High Resolution
Found - The Internet from The National Archives, Ottawa, ON

You may find high quality printable records of any Canadian War veteran on the Internet thanks to the Government of Canada's initiative in making available this valuable information for any interested Canadian or citizen of the world who wants to know about the hundreds of thousands of Canadian civilians who volunteered to put their lives and civilian careers on hold to serve their country in a time of need.

Did You Know - That if you lived in the United Kingdom you would have to pay $200 to $300 US, or more, to get similar access to printed records of a family member who served in the British Armed Forces or died in action or from disease?

Great Canadian Heritage Treasure

Photo, Lt. Wm Henry Bolt & Grandfather - WW1
Orig. photo - Image Size - 11 x 16 cm
Found - Burlington, ON

William Bolt, though born in Devon, UK, lived in Brantford, Ontario, with his wife, and worked as a machinist.

Like hundreds of thousands of other Canadians who volunteered for service during World War I, he was not a career militarist, but a civilian who put his life on civvy street on hold to serve his country. He gambled that he would survive the carnage of the battlefield so he could return to his wife and resume his old job. And, like his father above die peacefully in bed of old age...

Some 65,000 Canadians gambled wrong in World War I, and lost it all; some 45,000 more in World War II.

Canada spends one day only, November 11, remembering them and their sacrifice.

It is not enough.

Unlike professional soldiers, who clearly revel in the arts of war, and who get their adrenalin rush from operating dangerous military hardware that blows things up - make that mostly people - William reflected the vast majority of the Canadian civilian volunteer army of World Wars 1 and II, who reveled in the arts of peace.

Unlike professionals, who clearly get a personal high from going into harm's way, and sometimes pay the price for tempting fate once too often, in pursuing their preferred high risk lifestyle, that was never the case with the civilian volunteers of World Wars I and II.

They operated on a higher plane of service to their country and their fellow Canadians.

They found no personal gratification, or attraction, in war, combat, or militarism in any of its forms; most found the prospect of picking up arms, as a way of life, repellant.

But in spite of this they selflessly put themselves, and all they held dear, at mortal risk...

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends...

Once a day you should give pause... for all that you have, and they never did... Some 100.000 civilian men and women volunteers in the 20th century who lost it all for their countrymen...

Go to Joe Barfoot
Great Canadian Heritage Treasure

A fabulous but very heavy unfired 18 pdr artillery shrapnel shell - the equivalent of a bullet tip of a rifle cartridge - from World War I. It is QF for quick-firing and a Mark VII version. William Bolt's fuse came from this size shell.

(NOTE: this is only the top - exploding - half of the shell which is fitted on top of a brass casing which is a bit longer and holds the main powder charge. When the gun is fired the two separate, the shell part, containing another powder charge, going up the barrel, while the empty brass casing is ejected from the gun and used to make trench art.)

The shell is capped with a 22 second fuse which you could dial to any time you wanted the shell to explode, sending its shrapnel balls like a giant shotgun blast against any soft, unprotected target. It was excellent because it only destroyed humans, not buildings, forts, or latrines. You could therefore move right in after the original inhabitants were, well, ah, taken out of the picture by the shrapnel balls, and had to do very little rebuilding...

The base is stamped DC, presumably the Dominion Cartridge Co. established in 1886 at Brownsburg, Quebec, for manufacturing shells for the Canadian Government.

The copper collar at the bottom is the drive band that the spiraling steel groves in the gun barrel would cut into, and give the shell a circular spin as it went up the barrel. The spin would prevent the shell from tumbling end over end as it went on its way.

Remnants of shells that are retrieved from the field afterwards show the deep regular grooves cut into the copper drive band.

Below a cross section of exactly this kind of British 18 pdr shrapnel shell, fitted on to its casing, showing the position of the powder charge (the cords) and the shrapnel balls cast in resin, forward of the secondary powder bursting charge to be set off by the fuse.

18 Pdr Artillery Shell, WWI
Orig. unfired shell - Size - 30 cm; wt 8.2 kg
Found - Peterborough, ON

During World War I shrapnel shells were probably the most useful and common artillery shell.

When everybody was burrowed into the ground in bunkers and trenches, for years, exploding impact shells that were designed to destroy fortifications on impact, could do little except make great craters in the mud.

But with thousands of men massed in open trenches or machine gun nests, before or during an attack, shrapnel shells that could be fused to explode overhead were deadly and were responsible for killing untold thousands as the attackers or defenders lay exposed to blasts of countless steel balls coming down from above.

Canadians were soon producing these deadly shells by the thousands, of which the landmark first casing has been preserved:

Go to
the First 18pdr Shell Casing
Great Canadian Heritage Treasure

Left sitting between two battlefield relics brought back from South Africa by RCR Pvt. James McKerihen, a .577 inch Snider Enfield lead bullet from the 1860s left, and a bullet from a Lee-Metford rifle from 1900 right, is a shrapnel ball from a British 12 pounder shell that exploded over the trenches at Magersfontein in December, 1899.

The large two balls on the left are bare lead, and when they hit bone would distort and become jagged and sharp edged, tearing vital tissue in every direction, and creating massive wounds and bleeding.

The .303 bullet right is narrow and coated or jacketed with metal over the lead interior. It would puncture a body, rarely distort, making only a small, neat hole, and compared to the other two, make relatively little damage to a body.

Military men saw jacketed bullets as a backward step so a British officer in Dum Dum, India hit on the idea of removing the top of the covering, exposing the lead inside so it could distort upon hitting bone and do massive damage again, as the other earlier calibres had done. (See James' bullet page.)

Though military men loved this advance in the "art" of war, these Dum Dum bullets, which the British used for years against tribesmen in India (Pakistan, Burma, & Afghanistan) were banned by the Hague Convention in 1899 as too uncivilized for killing white people with...

Lead Bullets & Shrapnel Ball, Boer War, 1900
Orig. relics - Size - left bullet .577 inches wide
Found - South Africa
Copyright Goldi Productions Ltd. 1996-1999-2005

Rare Canadiana

We must confess that our search for commemorative memorabilia celebrating the top general of Canada's Defence Forces, and the chief architect of Canada's fast approaching military defeat in Afghanistan - he got out just in time to keep his reputation in tatters - was tough.

Unlike Lord Roberts - the famous British general who won a resounding victory against the same Taliban tribesman for which Canada's General Rick Hillier was no match - for whom we found a stunningly huge variety of memorabilia, no one wanted any of Canada's top general.

After months of sleuthing we finally found one item, under a hospital bed in Turtleford, Saskatchewan.

This fabulous patriotic bedpan will provide a suitable outlet for fans who want to express their support for the general, permit them to sit, cheek-to-cheek with their hero, and salute his military accomplishments with suitable sounds of approval...

Codenamed FART by the military for Fast Afterburner Releasing Technology, this commemorative patriotic Hillier chamber pot offers a far more utilitarian option for patriots who find that ribbon thing a tad silly...

Catching Bin Laden

Probably the most celebrated Canadian Government initiative, in providing non-military aid to Afghanistan, is this Threefer Patriotic Pisspot adorned, inside and out with General Hillier's famous "Here's what I'd do to Bin Laden's testicles if he ever sat down on this pot."

The government reasoned, after being smitten with the general's brilliant idea - he has many more like this, which accounts for his success in Afghanistan - that putting thousands of these patriotic pisspots all over Afghanistan, by the law of averages, sooner or later, Osama would end up sitting on one, and voilĂ , the general would have him by the... (the ever brassy Rosie duhManno would gladly finish the sentence for us, but we eschew the jock strap brand of journalism she revels in), and the war would be over...

And the Canadians would get credit for what George Bush with his billions of dollars spectacularly failed to do. All because of a little Canadian know-how from a guy from Newfie.

In between trapping seasons the general suggested the pisspots could be filled with popcorn to help alleviate the hunger problem in the poorer parts of Afghanistan. In fact the general suggested leaving them filled with popcorn, which might speed up the possibility of entrapment.

That's why the general asked for, and got, four humongous Globemaster transport planes - the largest Canada has ever owned; they cost billions.

Since most Afghans are too poor to have firewood to pop corn, the popping would be done in Canada, and the popcorn then loaded, into the cavernous transport planes, fully popped.. Or is that pooped... Erh... Ah... no, no, that comes later... The general took pains to point out the proper sequence: popping in Canada, pooping in Afghanistan. Everything in his plan depended on getting the sequence right...

The threefer idea - which is probably an idy the general picked up in Newfoundland, since we have it on good authority that Rex Murphy uses one of these at his house - is brilliantly innovative for Afghanistan, one of the poorest countries on earth where few have furniture or kitchenware.

It is at once: a classy patriotic pisspot, reminding the Afghans who their saviour is, a brilliant cost effective trap for Bin Laden, as well as a handy food bowl.

Like a breath of fresh air, Project POOP, as it is known in military circles, for Pisspot Or Other Purpose, offers the government a welcome success story after revelations that the Industry (later Defence) Minister and a senior ministerial assistant were both shagging the same high priced hooker, kindly provided by a developer, at the precise time he was seeking favourable treatment in an upcoming federal government tender with their departments.

The call girl - she was called into service by her real estate developer employer - obviously was up on the file, as well as both men - even at the same time.

Both civil servants - though it is not clear what uniform they were wearing at the time - admitted to discussing the tender with her, no doubt breathlessly, in between whatever.

What a professional!!! Now that's value for money... Her boss should be proud, though he's trying his best to distance himself from his hard working employee who had more than her hands full on his behalf.

Compare that to the two civil servants who no doubt billed the festivity extras to the tax payers of Canada, getting a free ride also from Joe Public.

Said the clearly patriotic and professional service provider, "It was a contract," referring to her relationship with the Industry, later Defence Minister, "He never loved me."

What a cad, not observing even the most basic formalities of courtship, and breathing the requisite three little words every woman - even a service provider - has a right to expect from a man in heat.

With the disgraced Defence Minister now gone - we hope with all his clothes, if not all his secret federal government documents - the department wants to turn a new page.

Said an enthusiastic spokesman for the Department of National Defence, on a brand new initiative sure to make everyone in uniform swell their chests with patriotism, "Canadians can take pride in that we will soon have POOP all over Afghanistan."

The Operation POOP initiative also fits in extremely well with the Manley Plan which suggested Canada embark only on projects which can be clearly and publicly branded as Canadian initiatives.

Being enamel, POOP is lightweight and highly portable, and in large families can easily and quickly be handed back and forth, for one usage or another, which could be popping or pooping, though not necessarily in that order.

The general admits there is no water for cleaning in most of the houses where the multi-purpose pisspot would be used so it might prove somewhat inconvenient in the short run. But he is working on the water thing next...

It may very well be that the Threefer Patriotic Pisspot might prove to be the general's most enduring achievement in Afghanistan.

A grateful nation should, at a minimum, give him the Order of Canada - at least Officer grade...

The Pride of America

General Hillier may take pride in learning that he is the first Canadian general to have a face adorning a patriotic pisspot.

But it would be false pride; he is not the first in history.

That honour may very well rest with American General Benjamin Butler of Civil War infamy, whose face has no doubt witnessed the horrors of war, or the eye of the hurricane, as he looks out from the bottom of the historic pisspot below.

But then General Hillier has never minded playing second fiddle to his American military heroes. He is in good company here.

Benjamin Butler was one of the most controversial, and militarily inept generals of the American Civil War.

Like Hillier, an occupying general in a hostile land (Confederate New Orleans during the War), Butler was widely reviled by Southern whites for his policies.

We're not sure of what Afghans think of General Hillier whose Canadians have a penchant for firing artillery shells from a safe 30 kms away and leveling village after village.

The Civil War general was known as "Beast Butler."

We're not sure what Afghans, who've lost children, wives, teenagers etc. - all due to accidental Canadian operations, of course - call General Hillier, whose troops continue to shoot the place up even though we all thought they've only been on a training mission and stopped the aggressive warfare long ago...

Union General Grant had no use for Butler's military abilities and wanted to get rid of him, as he had clearly been promoted beyond his abilities, but couldn't because of his powerful political connections.

(When Hillier's controversial outspokenness caused problems for the Canadian government in power, the Conservatives - hanging by a thread as a minority government - were similarly hamstrung in firing the general because of Hillier's huge popularity with the military rank and file, the media and the media barons, whose war he was spear-heading. Hey, we know they loved his war mongering as much as the others but they couldn't afford to alienate a single voter among the vast majority of Canadians, who opposed the war, and so be forced into an election.)

Butler got a reputation as an inept general who chronically failed to wage a successful battle or campaign against a wilier foe that repeatedly made him look downright silly.

Shades of Hillier...

Witness the spectacular farewell prison break send-off the Taliban gave General Hillier, when they broke out hundreds of prisoners it had taken his Canadians two to three years to catch - and billions of dollars. Oh, and did we mention, in the territory the Canadians were supposed to be safe-guarding...

The sputtering pundit's post mortem: all the Afghans in the area knew the break-out was coming. Everyone, that is, except General Hillier and his intelligence service officers who were caught totally unawares in their command post behind the wire at Tim Horton's, Hillier's favourite charity.

Canadian experts of every stripe blamed the totally ineffectual Canadian Military Intelligence service as set up and supervised by General Hillier. More than one expert says Hillier's successor will have to clean up the "lack of intelligence" mess that - within days of General Hillier's farewell ceremonies - gave the Taliban a huge psychological victory and put hundreds of death dealing guerillas back in the field to pose a deadly threat, all over again, to Canadian rank and file soldiers.

Finally, because Butler was constantly bogged down in the field, and hopelessly unable to finesse the enemy - a lousy team player - General Grant recalled him. Butler resigned his command shortly after.

A lousy team player! Unable to finesse the enemy! Resigned before the job was done! Now where have we heard that before?

Hillier is most famous for his frequent public outbursts that often embarrassed the government teetering on the edge of minority status, and led directly to the dismissal of his civilian boss, the Minister of Defence. Hell they had to do something, and soon...

CTV announced in the fall of 2007 that the general was privately given his walking papers - the same poison pill option that Hitler gave General Rommel.

The word is that Hillier was also given a window of opportunity to "resign," ending a most controversial three year tenure that is shorter than those of three of his immediate predecessors: Generals Henault (four years), Baril (four years), and de Chastelain (five years.)

De Chastelain was so highly thought of he was even asked to do a second tour of duty as Canada's top general.

Hillier - Canada's most famous general - admitted to the press that no one asked him to "reconsider his retirement..."

No kidding!

Go to Disgraced Generals

Certainly the parallels between Butler and Hillier are remarkable.

Their parallels in commemoration are richly deserved.

But the many who are glad to see the last of General Hillier, and gloat that "once the most powerful man in Canada, now he doesn't have a pot to piss in" would be wrong of course.

Still Canadians are glad to be rid of the general who was the architect of the race war against the Afghans.

Their next task is to get rid of "Hillier's War" and bring home the girls and boys - whom he had sent into harm's way with such gusto ("Our job is to be able to kill people.") - safely to their own country, their friends and families, so they can live out full, productive lives, instead of squandering them, uselessly, in a corporate America led race war in the wastes of Afghanistan.

Oh, and Lest We Forget? To end the death and destruction our Forces and their cronies are promoting daily, among Afghan women, children, and men.

Don't they have a right too, to live out their lives instead of perishing from the warring activities of avenging white Christian Crusaders from half way around the world...?

It Rains; It Pours

"Can I send you a picture of my muff?" The woman's email was pleading; we eagerly answered "Yes!"

At first, finding it impossible to find memorabilia to commemorate the achievements of the late commander of the Canadian Forces, we had groused that no one seemed to want a reminder of the man behind Canada's hapless Afghan military adventure.

Now a female member of the Canadian Forces, who took strong exception to our suggestion - impertinent she called it - that the general was all but forgotten, already, by the members of the Forces, proudly sent us a picture of her muff. And a fine one it proved to be too... One of the finest we've ever had the privilege to see.

No wonder she was so clearly pleased to be able to show us her MUFF, or Military Urinal For Females below saying, somewhat crossly, that, as usual, being male, we were off the mark, while females were much more likely to be on target.

The sisterhood in the Forces, she insisted, have not forgotten their general; quite the contrary, female members are pleased to think of him, she assured us, whenever they get the urge.

So, though he may be gone from the Afghan file, he remains a watchful presence on the female urinal, keeping a sharp lookout, as it were, for anyone approaching who plans an unauthorized usage.

The MUFF is, apparently, available only in enamel to withstand the rough handling it is expected to get inside a careening tank or bouncing LAV.

Like Canada's other famous invention, the Tilley hat, the Hillier MUFF comes with a 10 page official instruction manual on how to use it properly - with due decorum - in a tent, on a date, in a fast moving vehicle over bouncy terrain, or while being shot at in combat.

Fortuitous notes are also included on how to avoid damaging the decal of the general during use, it having the same heritage designation as the Canadian flag.

Just like with the Canadian flag, it is an offence - under the act, whichever - to continue using the urinal if the decal becomes defaced for any reason. It must then be privately destroyed in a seemly manner in a way not to cause an indignity to the General and all he stands for.

It is apparently prohibited to continue using an old MUFF as an idle play thing, as a receptacle for flowers, or to grow herbal plants in.

Though, in deference to the general's well-known penchant for quaffing back more than a few, whenever the occasion permits, it may be used as a beer tankard on festive - make that any regimental drinking - occasion.

Though, as a cautionary, we would suggest you not let a MUFF out of your control for any period of time during these raucous festivities, as an overly tipsy member of the rank and vile, who is not aware that it has been officially retired from its former use, may just forget and use it like the common threefer patriotic Pisspot Or Other Purpose above.

This, besides being an illegal use, and clearly contrary to regulations, might also just forever swear off the owner - if he took an inadvertent swig - from drinking beer from a tankard ever again...